Most couples must understand the talk of compromise than the necessity of comprehension. The most important thing in a relationship isn’t communication, but comprehension, which is understanding (Proverbs 4:7; Proverbs 18:2).
7 “The beginning of wisdom is: Get [skillful and godly] wisdom [it is preeminent]! And with all your acquiring, get understanding [actively seek spiritual discernment, mature comprehension, and logical interpretation].
Proverbs 4 : 7
2A [closed-minded] fool does not delight in understanding,
But only in revealing his personal opinions [unwittingly displaying his self-indulgence and his stupidity].Proverbs 18 : 2
Communication needs time, but comprehension needs humility. Egos have destroyed more couples than cheating ever has. If you compromise to keep the temporary peace, then you will soon comprehend the value of crisis management. The goal isn’t to win battles, but to solidify the peace by winning wars, so choose which battles matter the most and focus on the greatest war because the enemy doesn’t like a peaceful and successful relationship. When you put God first in your relationship, you will always be steps ahead of the enemy, because we are not victims, but we are victors in God’s Kingdom. Make sure God’s principles are your only and main foundation of the relationship.
The keys to a peaceful romantic relationship are:
- Listen to understand, not just to react.
- Communicate to comprehend, not just to be heard.(James 1:19-20)
19Understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Let everyone be quick to hear [be a careful, thoughtful listener], slow to speak [a speaker of carefully chosen words and], slow to anger [patient, reflective, forgiving]; 20for the [resentful, deep-seated] anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God [that standard of behavior which He requires from us].
James 1 : 19-20
When you find someone who truly understands you even if you occasionally disagree, but are willing to remain with an open mind, then that is gold right there. Having an open mind is your ability to not focus on who is currently not right or wrong, but consistently humble yourself to acknowledge when you are wrong and apologize, and when you are right, to accept the apology and keep moving on when your happiness isn’t interrupted by pettiness and ego (Colossians 3:8).
8But now rid yourselves [completely] of all these things: anger, rage, malice, slander, and obscene (abusive, filthy, vulgar) language from your mouth.
Colossians 3 : 8
In this life, you can decide to be happy all the time, not just as a feeling, but as a mindset by learning unlearn old patterns which didn’t work for you and by mastering the reaction to your own emotions, not the emotions of the other person. You won’t be able to control how people behave around you – and you can’t control your emotions because you risk to become emotionless – but what you have the power to do is control the reaction produced by your own emotions. Divorce and breakups are just a result of lack of proper knowledge and humility on both sides while in the right divine relationship.
A piece of advice for men, when communicating with women, don’t always get offended because most women, not all, listen with their feelings and not what you actually meant. Be patient enough to make them understand that hearing with their feelings cannot change the meaning of what you said, but it can delay the issue at hand (Ephesians 4:15).
15But speaking the truth in love [in all things—both our speech and our lives expressing His truth], let us grow up in all things into Him [following His example] who is the Head—Christ.
Ephesians 4 : 15
Communication without comprehension is useless. Women don’t understand the language that men speak, but always blame them for not understanding their language. We need to find a common ground where we don’t allow the enemy to destroy relationships which are called to manifest God’s glory because of egos. Humility, work, and wisdom are necessary in a relationship that God has put together for His glory. Oftentimes, the biggest mistake in a healthy relationship is misreading your significant other’s emotions and feelings. So, understand this, most men internalize their pain, while most women externalize it. If a man isn’t free to express his strength and weaknesses in the most peaceful and safest way, then it will make him look for other ways to illegally deal with the issue, and this technique has created silent monsters. The solution to this is having genuine, holistic, and mature conversations. Don’t have court sessions, bur pray about it together. Don’t allow the enemy to feed your ego, but rather submit to The Wisdom of God inside of you.
